Tag Archives: new years

Sparks & Passions of 2019

2019 ignited the energy of my long-held vision to a fever pitch, and as anyone within earshot of me knows too well, I was on fire with passion to bring this vison to life. Many hours and days and weeks were spent seeking funding – mostly through grants – and well, none of it panned out.

I am trying to exercise patience and faith that the seeds will still germinate.

I am trying to not lose heart.

Because, oh my God, this vision, this thing I see every time I enter a beautiful open interior space and makes me have to sit down and catch my breath –  this thing that will feed hungry young souls – is a vision I am honored and humbled to have and I pray that I don’t blow it by not being savvy enough to bring it to life.

Sigh.

There were successes too. I facilitated my first 3-day retreat. Later, my first online 5-day retreat. The response exceeded my expectations, validated my mission and yes – boosted my ego (something to keep in check!)

2019 also fused my youthwork experience, my spiritual work and my fervently feminist sensibilities in fun new ways.

Invited to lead a workshop for Catholic middle and high school confirmation students, I framed it on the life of brilliant mystic Hildegard with the message of breaking beyond misogynist, homophobic barriers and tapping into your own brilliance and connection to God.

Invited to lead a session for Catholic middle school girls, I began with the “secret” that Mary is a story to pay attention to – not because she was a virgin, that’s an archetype that can and should be separated from her sexuality – but because she paid attention, then questioned and then courageously, knowingly said yes to bringing the Creator’s love into the world.  

Ah, those were the opportunities, the professional moments that lit up my 2019!

Then late in the year, the most unexpected opportunity: leading the youth program of a Baptist church in my neighborhood. Wow, I did not see that coming! They were seeking creativity and spiritual depth and their feminist, LGBTQ+ worldview matches my own. The kids and teens have already shown up in the background of my nighttime dreams – I take this new charge very seriously and humbly.

The pic of me holding my grandson captures the spirit of my 2019. Full disclosure, folks: my interior reaction to news of my 20-yo-daughter becoming a mom did not perfectly match my jubilant exterior. But, at the ripe old age of 50 and with the encouragement of friends, I finally learned to take the unexpected in stride, to let go of what I cannot control, to reach out only in love, to cherish each moment of connection no matter how small.

The rewards of practicing those lessons have been FAR greater than I deserve. L fills my heart with his funny, happy bright spirit. The loving attention he receives from my daughter and her partner soothes my soul and often (I don’t think she knows this) brings me to tears. I am always grateful to be invited into their lives.

L’s smile lit up each of my most special days of 2019.

Doing Good Last Year and Beyond

Did I do enough good in 2015? There’s plenty more I could have done – I never did get around to fostering shelter dogs like I planned, for example. But did I do as much as I could manage – mentally, emotionally, creatively, spiritually?

Sometimes I think of myself as fragile: burdened with traumas recent and far past that can flare up and make ordinary tasks seem Sisyphean. Each of us is fragile and strong in our own unique way, I know that. I look back on some of the things I endured, in 2015 alone, and know that I got through it with as much grace as I could muster, and sometimes that was barely any at all. There’s a lot of messiness in leaving your heart open to a family member whose mind and emotions are in dire need of healing, and yet my heart is still open to them, even if slightly little less than before. That is something good I contributed to 2015.

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But that wasn’t all. I followed the thread that the world dangled before me, for reasons I still can’t fully know. I followed that thread to University, studying theology and strengthening my connection to the spiritual realm. This year, I took classes studying Jung and his profound Red Book, the art of rituals and Mary Magdalene. I wrote papers on those topics that I hope to send off to a wider audience in 2016 (another 2015 thing I didn’t do as planned.) I also worked with people seeking spiritual direction and facilitated workshops sharing what I learned about “following the thread” that might be useful to others. Doing this work, I am privileged to witness the unique blend of fragile and strong within each soul.

Finally, I made a new friend in 2015. Someone whose journeys both internal and across the globe are opening me to new ideas for living in 2016. She has taught centering meditation for decades, and I can certainly use more centering. Knowing her has been a gift.

Will I meet other new friends in 2016? Will I continue to learn, write and teach? Will I still have love and grace to give? The outlook is good for all these things, and so I’m going to turn the page on the calendar with anticipation, gratitude and humility.

Happy New Year, Everyone!