Tag Archives: spirituality

Inspirations From Hildegard of Bingen

As a spiritual director (and also as a parent, friend and public speaker), I try to tap people into their own wisdom and creativity.

Depending on your worldview, you may see wisdom and creative inspiration as coming from your intuition, communication with God, a collective unconscious or some combination of all three. However you define the source, practices of quiet (prayer or mediation), mindfulness (deep presence to the moment) and increasing self-knowledge (awareness of how your ego derails you) better allow wisdom and creativity to flow within you.

A spiritual director can offer guidance in these practices, help you discern when you are tapping into this flow and stand beside you as you grow in the confidence of access to your own wisdom.

One person who clearly accessed her inner wisdom and creativity – and had a spiritual director –  was a 12th century woman known as Hildegard of Bingen.

Hildegard composed powerful music that is still widely enjoyed today and which scientists have discovered activates our brainwaves in unique ways. Enter her name in YouTube and listen to some of the recordings yourself. Here’s a couple:

Hildegard wrote encyclopedias documenting the healing qualities for over 300 plants and trees. She also wrote philosophical volumes on the spiritual and natural worlds that earned her such widespread respect even emperors, popes and kings sought her counsel.

Hildegard saw everything as existing within an interconnected web of creation – and understood that by studying the microcosm we could come to understand the macrocosm. This was in the 1100s! Long before quantum physics verified her teachings.

Hildegard had “visions” through which these secrets of the universe were revealed to her. She described these visions in her writings, oversaw their portrayal in painted mandalas (such as the one above) and talked about them on her speaking tours.

She also wrote about how the process of sharing her visions with her spiritual director strengthened her confidence in them and gave her the conviction to share her message with the world.

Everything that is in the heavens, on earth, and under the earth is penetrated with connectedness, penetrated with relatedness - Hildegard of Bingen

What if we all took seriously our own “visions” or moments of clarity when spiritual connectedness or creative inspiration seems to flow through us? What if we all nurtured these moments with meditation or other spiritual practices? What if we all had someone to talk to about these moments?

Hildegard may have seen her visions in what today we might call migraine auras, and much of her imagery stems from the lush forest that surrounded her monastery.

I believe we can all nurture our ability (as well as our children’s ability) to find meaning in everything around us. We all have the potential to better understand the secrets of the universe as revealed in something as simple as the veins of a maple leaf.

While Hildegard seems to have been blessed with more talents than the average human, the design of her daily life was ideal for nurturing her spiritual and creative gifts.

Since early childhood, Hildegard’s days were focused on practicing the quiet of meditative prayer and cultivating awareness of the sacred within each moment and all of creation. Knowing this helps us understand how her music and visions came to be.

How can we emulate Hildegard’s practices so as to enhance the wisdom and creativity flowing through our own lives?

Hildegard was a woman to be reckoned with. She understood the value and importance of her visions. Claiming unheard of authority for a woman not only of her time but perhaps any time in history since, Hildegard did not shrink from challenging those in power. She wrote sternly to those who she saw abusing their power, and her views were taken seriously by them.

O king, it is of utmost necessity that you take care of how you act... I see you are acting like a child. You live an insane, absurd life before God. There is still time. - Hildegard to Emperor Bararossa

If you are not familiar with Hildegard, I encourage you to get to know her better. And talk about her to the girls and young women in your lives!

Every creature is a glittering, glistening mirror of Divinity - Hildegard of Bingen

To experience some of Hildegard’s brilliance yourself, you can listen to her music or take a look at the mandalas that portray her visions. (Many of which can be found in Illuminations of Hildegard of Bingen) You can read any of her books – I recommend Book of Divine Works: With Letters and Songs  or you can read books that have been written about her – such as Experiencing Hildegard: Jungian Perspectives. (all links are to my amazon affiliate page)

Then you’ll see for yourself why Hildegard is an inspiration for so many reasons – her access to wisdom, her holistic knowledge and creative talents, her ability to claim authority in matters not normally granted to women, her confidence in her visions and the strength of her convictions.

I will be presenting a program on Hildegard of Bingen at St Gerard Church in Brooklyn Park, MN on Feb 2, 2018, details to follow.

Let me know if you’re interested in having me speak at your event or if you’re interested in a spiritual direction session.  Email me at Carolyn@spiritfulldirection.com.

Celebrating the Eclipse Spirit Full Style

Yesterday’s eclipse was magical. Did you feel it?

I didn’t look.

Instead, at its peak I lead a quiet meditation with a few friends. It felt wonderful to clear our minds, make space for the new chapter of the New Moon and absorb the celestial energy.

Before the peak, we feasted on sunshiny lemon ricotta cakes with blueberry moon sauce, turmeric yellow frittata, English cheddar with fig preserves, grapes, yellow watermelon, purple Izzy soda and Moscato wine. If the heavens give us a reason to celebrate, why not do so with colorful gusto?!

As the eclipse was ending, we dropped flowers into the creek and let the combined moon and sun energy carry our wishes into the future.

It was a magical eclipse.

How did you mark this significant day?

Eclipse photo credit: (NASA/Aubrey Gemignani)

Full of Yourself in the War Between Love and Hate

This post stems from the lowest of lows in public discourse – a trivial social media disagreement about a pop culture topic.

Specifically, a group of nice, middle-aged white ladies (yes, I’m the pot with the kettle in this story) criticizing how “full of herself” Beyoncé was during the “spectacle” of her Grammys performance.

I don’t know much about Beyoncé. I’m generally dismissive of pop culture artists since they are often just corporations in disguise. I don’t listen to much pop.

I watched the Grammys from my sick bed while recovering from the flu and goofing around online.

Beyoncé’s performance mesmerized me.

Visually stunning, it was not based on the usual shock-factor or hyper-sexuality that dominates so much of pop star women’s performances. Rather, it seemed to be exalting the love between mothers and daughters, Black mothers and daughters, to sacred status.

At one point Beyoncé said,

“If we’re going to heal, let it be glorious/ One thousand girls raise their arms.”

Quite a powerful statement given how much healing we’re yearning for in this political climate, and how girls and women are leading the march towards healing in unprecedented ways.

I googled Beyoncé’s  words and learned that they came from the Somali-British poet Warsan Shire, whom Beyoncé collaborated with to make her Lemonade album.

Shire also wrote the devastating poem “Home” about the refugee experience, which begins:

“no one leaves home unless/home is the mouth of a shark”

Please read the whole poem. Read it now.

It turns out that in addition to being “full of herself,” Beyoncé was using her platform to highlight a voice that needs to be heard, a story that needs to be told.

Which brings me to the point of my post:

These days the battle between love and hate has been pushed to the forefront in a way I have not seen (noticed) in my lifetime. As one of those nice, middle aged white ladies, I am not confronted with hatred often – I get to observe it from the safety of my couch while watching the news. Even so, I can plainly see that hatred (toward refugees, people of color, anyone made to live on the margins of society) is more out in the open, but love is too.

I appreciate artists using their medium to elevate love to its sacred status.

Let’s appreciate the voice of love when we see it – especially if it takes us out of our comfort zone.

It’s easy to say that we stand for love, just like it is easy for some people to go to church and think they’ve done their weekly work for God. But standing for love and being close to God is not meant to be easy.

Living our lives as embodied love is elusive. You can work at it for years, studying the great spiritual leaders of your faith, doing the psychological uncovering of your ego and yet still be withholding love in countless ways – from your too-loud neighbors, or from a community of people in your own town who are struggling in ways you’re blind to, or even from your own child who is working your very last nerve.

We each withhold love in various ways each day and that is what separates us from the Divine. Moving closer to God means moving closer to fully embodying love in our daily lives.

What if our love for others was as bright and bold as Beyoncé’s headdress?

We have arrived in an era when hate speech and love speech are more out in the open than has been the case for awhile.

If you are on the side of love, it’s time to be fully love, full of love, full of yourself as love. Anything less is to comply with the hate that surrounds you.

And white readers, if we are turned off by something that a black or brown person is doing, let’s think long and hard before using “they are full of themselves” as a proclamation of our distaste.

If we are on the side of love, we strive for everyone – especially those who have blatant hatred directed at them just for existing – to be fully themselves.

Photo Credits

Courtesy of Beyoncé/eonline.com

beyonce-en-deesse-solaire-a-la-ceremonie-des-grammy-awards-2017_230698_w696[1].jpg

Matt Sayles/Invision/AP

Kevin Winter/Getty Images for NARAS/eonline.com
Womens March in Providence, RI (AP ) NYTCREDIT: Sait Serkan Gurbuz/Associated Press

 

 

Ready or Not, Here is 2017

Who knows what triumphs and struggles the new year will bring? Beyond our individual plans and goals, 2017 is threatening frightening political and social changes, the level of which remains to be seen. Now is a good time to ask what our role will be in the year ahead, both in our personal lives and in our communities.  

I’d like to share something that I learned in 2016 which is helping me answer this question.

In early 2016, a close family member landed in the hospital for nearly two weeks after a frighteningly reckless action. That was the beginning of a months-long nightmare that somehow lead to an ideal resolution beyond the limits of my imagination. My loved one is now doing well.

Looking back on how the horrible ordeal turned into a blessing, I see that I had a little control over whether the outcome was tragic or joyous. Very little control, but I never lost sight of it. I could influence my loved one, perhaps expand or contract some of her options, but not control her. Therefore, I packed my little amount of control with clear, focused intention. The rest I let go, which gained me unfavorable judgments by others, but ultimately allowed the ideal resolution to present itself. In other words, I found the balance between acting with intention and being open to unforeseen possibilities.

How did I find this balance? Meditation, prayer and spiritual guidance made my intuitive voice loud and clear, gave me the strength to follow my intuition in an unpopular direction and guided me in the ebb and flow of action and letting go.

My new year’s message is therefore a reminder that you can influence the circumstances of 2017, but you cannot control what will happen. Be decisive about your intentions, use spiritual practices that strengthen your intuitive voice and seek the balance between taking action and being open to the unexpected.

Let’s do this and make 2017 a year filled with peace, justice and hope for us all.  

Appreciating the Darkness (Or Happy Holidays!)

I tend to be much more reflective during this time of the waning sun.

I journal, read through old journals, sort through old photos, paint, meditate, revisit favorite well-worn books, think about what I want to experience in the new year and so on.

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The moon from my front porch

In other words, I go deep – reminiscing, ruminating, then reformulating how I want to spend my time on this earth, in this body.

It’s part of living in the rhythm of the seasons, keeping in step with the encroaching darkness.

How do you keep in step with the rhythm of the seasons?

Back on Halloween, my friends and I came together to honor Death, the dead and the season of dying and letting go. We can’t hide from Death, so we might as well face it together, with wine and good food, sharing by candlelight and even a little shouting under the moon.

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My dining room on Halloween

Letting go was more than just a metaphor for me this Fall, as it was the time I had to let my daughter move into young adulthood and I adjusted to a newly empty nest. It was also when I accompanied a dear friend as she transitioned into hospice care.

Face it – we have no choice but to let go  – of youth, health, loved ones, certain ideas about ourselves and what we’re here to do, rigid plans – all of it has to go sooner or later.

Ashes to ashes and so on.

From a Halloween Puppet Festival
From a Halloween Puppet Festival

Halloween confronts death, and the Fall season with its falling leaves reminds us to let go of whatever is dying in our lives.

Then November comes, Thanksgiving in the USA, and we express our gratitude for whatever has remained.

This turkey is happy to be alive and on my car.
Grateful turkey

I let go as my daughter moved into her next stage of life and then on Thanksgiving she and I came together and celebrated our familiar, yet evolving relationship with the familiar foods and rituals of Thanksgivings past. It was nice.

Now Winter Solstice is approaching. The Holiday Season. The days are getting so dark and we are moving so far from the sun we fear we may never see it again.

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This darkness drives us a little mad, and many start to maniacally shop, throw holiday parties and do all they can to be merry, merry, merry.

Some, like me, settle into the darkness, appreciating how snow silences the outdoors, how the quiet turns me inward until I find that the whole universe is inside of myself – the history of the world lies in wait to be found deep inside of me.

Oh, I like to make a little merry too. I go to some parties. I buy gifts. I sing loud in the car to Elvis’ Merry Christmas, Baby. I put up a big, fat Frasier Fir and fill it with lights and beads. I get out the ornaments made by my daughter, from my own childhood, and from my grandmother’s tree. I bake gingerbread cake.

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I enjoy all of that. I like to put some light and sparkle into the darkness, and make it cozy with warm smells and familiar music.

But I also enjoy making plenty of time to settle into the darkness. Reminiscing, ruminating,  and reformulating. Going down deep where I can feel the Divine and appreciate that the Sun is always there, even when we can’t see it.

My daughter will move away and still be my daughter. My friend will leave her body and still be my friend. I know these things by going deep into the darkness where true faith, peace and calm are found.

The sun will take command of the sky again soon, but in the meantime, let’s appreciate the darkness and all that we can find there.

How do you appreciate this time of darkness?

Coming Out of Crisis Mode

After weeks of hospitals and family crisis…today was a new day. A better day.

It started this morning as I was sitting on my deck drinking tea and reading the paper, when an older woman on a little indoor-type scooter, scooted right up to me in the backyard. This was very unusual, as I live in a secluded spot at the end of a driveway that’s about a block long.

I didn’t even hear her, I just suddenly saw her head scooting by the rail of my deck.

She was looking all around and saying “What a secluded spot you have here!” “What big, beautiful trees you have!” “Your flowers are beautiful!” “What a perfect place to sit and have your tea!”

She was like an angel dropping down into my cup of caffeine and saying “LOOK! THERE IS BEAUTY ALL AROUND YOU! JUST LOOK!”

Of course, she also could have been casing the joint for a future crime spree, but I was so happy to have this unexpected visitor, I grinned the whole time we talked about flowers and trees and squirrels and then she just scooted away, back down the driveway.

Afterwards, I walked by the creek and saw this autumn leaf dancing in the breeze. I watched it twirl and spin and then stand still in mid-air! Ah, it was hanging on by a thread – an invisible spider web thread.

leaf three

It reminded me of the thread that holds onto me, even when I’m too tired to hold onto it.

leaf two

I watched this magical orange leaf dancing on its thread, took pics and felt grateful that I am held with a sense of purpose and peace.

leaf one

I next saw the sun sparkling off the water just so and thought “I am okay.” I have no idea what the future holds. I worry sick for the crisis in my family, oh, how I worry.

creek

But I don’t have to worry alone because there are angels all around, scooting right up to me and reminding me of the beauty and hope in the world. And there is an invisible thread that connects me to all that is.

What unexpected moments have you seen as a love note from the universe?

Breaking Free Into Your Life

Prisons are on my mind these days, both the literal prisons where law enforcement confines people, and the metaphorical prisons which make us feel that we are trapped outside of the life we wish to live.

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(Photograph: Martin Argles for the Guardian)

A young member of my extended family is currently awaiting prison sentencing – he is possibly looking at 25 years to life. The truth is he was born in a sort of prison – a crack house, to be exact – and was not given the care, education or even basic nutrition to develop his mind in a way that would lead him anywhere but to a life of crime and incarceration. At this point, the best we can hope for him is a correctional facility that will at least provide safety, access to education and decent food. His story is a devastating one.

I, on the other hand, was born free. Sure, I have a few complaints about my childhood, but the reality is that I was given tools to develop my mind and create a life of my choosing. Did I always see it that way, though? Or did I allow myself to feel limited by prisons of my own making?

There were definitely periods of my life when I lived as if I was in a sort of prison. Like when I held onto the desk job way past it bringing me any fulfillment, or when I stayed in a romantic relationship that was harmful to my spirit.

What situations are currently confining your spirit? Can you break free of them?

How can you more fully live and appreciate the freedom that you have?

buckingham fountain

Overall though, I think I used my freedom to create a meaningful life and positively impact some of the people around me.

I could have done better and the great news is that I can still do better!

After all, I am still mostly free – with a few exceptions, like the health issue that prevents me from air travel. But I’m mostly free and while it’s common for health issues to create some limitations as we age, it is even more common for debilitating mindsets to confine us throughout our lives.

What limiting mindset have you placed around your life?

Some common self-created prisons I see around me are: deep-seated beliefs that we lack the ability to accomplish what we hope, anxieties that paralyze and lead to inaction, and resentments that cloud our judgment and make us feel that change is not worth the effort.

The Washington Post recently published an article with fascinating interviews of people who were released from long prison sentences one year ago after being granted clemency by President Obama. I highly recommend reading the article, because it reveals an array of attitudes and approaches to new found freedom that can get you thinking about your own life, your own freedom and how you do or don’t appreciate it.

Go ahead, click on the article!

For example, one of the interviewees, Alex William Jackson, who was sentenced in 1999, said:

“It’s natural to be angry. But when I went to prison and had time to sit down and really reflect and internalize the principles of religion, it had a transforming effect on my life. I didn’t take lightly the blessing and gift that the president gave me in commuting my sentence. I came home and I was immediately able to do the things I envisioned doing when I was incarcerated — being there for my mother, being able to establish myself in the community.”

So the question is: What blessings are YOU taking lightly?  What are you envisioning for the next stage of your life?

Another interviewee, Norman Brown, sentenced in 1993, said:

“In April, I was able to go to the arboretum. It was magnificent. We went to the cherry blossoms…When I was incarcerated I would see movies and read different books, and I would say, I want to try that. Walking on the beach, the walking through the parks. The eating out around a pond…Being right up on a flower and smelling it and breaking it off and maybe giving it to your woman. These things, when I get a chance to do them, I’m going to do them.”

How are you making the most of the freedoms you have been granted in life?

I am so fortunate, because I am not writing this from a jail cell or hospital bed, and my health is pretty good right now. Today I am going to use this freedom to swim, write this essay, help my daughter with something, and do some research for a project I’m working on.

You’re free!

What are you doing with this freedom you have right now?

My Status Update Sucks, But I’m Still Okay

I generally like to be in step with the rhythm of the seasons, but right now Spring is yelling at me to “Get up! Get out! Bloom already!” and I want to tell it to go to hell. While nature buzzes with the excitement of tree buds and hopping bunnies, inside my head winter dreariness is still going strong.

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There is no way around it. A family situation is filling my days with unpleasant tasks, pressing deadlines and big decisions that have no pleasant outcome. It’s a difficult time and frankly I am okay with settling into that difficulty and letting Spring pass me by this year.

And don’t feel sorry for me. Don’t. Because you know what? It’s okay to have periods of sadness.

It really is okay, even though the photographic evidence on social media shows your friends experiencing only joy, joy, joy. It really is okay, even though pop gurus tell us happiness is only ten simple steps away.

The truth is that we all have seasons when sadness is the most appropriate emotion that we can feel. Well meaning friends and our own inner critic may pressure us to try and snap out of it, but that only creates an anxiety that tires us even more. Feeling bad about feeling bad is self defeating.

On the other hand, sinking into full-blown depression is not the answer either and some of us (ahem) are more biologically prone to that than others. So here is what I do in seasons of sadness:

1) I let myself feel sad.

2) I try to stay in tune with my gut (intuition.) That means keeping a handle on what feels right and what feels off. For example, “It will be a real effort to go out to dinner with a friend tonight but it feels like that will help me get out of my head.” Or “I should really tackle another item on the to-do list but it feels like I need to rest my mind for awhile and watch a movie.”

The key to #2 is finding the balance between what you “should” do and what feels right for your mind/body/spirit. You’ll know you found it when you are doing a mixture of both.

3) I hold onto my thread. (Of course, first you need to find what your thread is.) A thread is those practices, images and beliefs that connect you to your essential self.

My thread is stepping out onto my driveway every night and looking up at the trees before going to bed. It is the mental image I visit throughout the day that I am part of a chain of spirits and ancestors long gone and future generations to come. It is the belief that love and acceptance of myself and others is the purpose of life.

You find your thread by focusing on what you know for certain to be true. The practices, images and articulated beliefs you then come up with will take you back to that truth whenever you are in danger of becoming lost. Everybody’s thread looks different. It is what we can hold onto that will keep us from falling down the rabbit hole of despair.

So Spring is arriving with its fresh smells and vibrant colors and my friends are posting fabulous vacation pics. Meanwhile, I’m stuck inside at meetings with treatment staff and endless to-do lists. And I’m sad about it. That’s okay.

We all have seasons of difficulty, but life goes on and we can find peace again. I have a strong sense of my intuition and I have my thread. I am okay. You are too, even if you are sad.

Doing Good Last Year and Beyond

Did I do enough good in 2015? There’s plenty more I could have done – I never did get around to fostering shelter dogs like I planned, for example. But did I do as much as I could manage – mentally, emotionally, creatively, spiritually?

Sometimes I think of myself as fragile: burdened with traumas recent and far past that can flare up and make ordinary tasks seem Sisyphean. Each of us is fragile and strong in our own unique way, I know that. I look back on some of the things I endured, in 2015 alone, and know that I got through it with as much grace as I could muster, and sometimes that was barely any at all. There’s a lot of messiness in leaving your heart open to a family member whose mind and emotions are in dire need of healing, and yet my heart is still open to them, even if slightly little less than before. That is something good I contributed to 2015.

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But that wasn’t all. I followed the thread that the world dangled before me, for reasons I still can’t fully know. I followed that thread to University, studying theology and strengthening my connection to the spiritual realm. This year, I took classes studying Jung and his profound Red Book, the art of rituals and Mary Magdalene. I wrote papers on those topics that I hope to send off to a wider audience in 2016 (another 2015 thing I didn’t do as planned.) I also worked with people seeking spiritual direction and facilitated workshops sharing what I learned about “following the thread” that might be useful to others. Doing this work, I am privileged to witness the unique blend of fragile and strong within each soul.

Finally, I made a new friend in 2015. Someone whose journeys both internal and across the globe are opening me to new ideas for living in 2016. She has taught centering meditation for decades, and I can certainly use more centering. Knowing her has been a gift.

Will I meet other new friends in 2016? Will I continue to learn, write and teach? Will I still have love and grace to give? The outlook is good for all these things, and so I’m going to turn the page on the calendar with anticipation, gratitude and humility.

Happy New Year, Everyone!

Telling Your Story To a Spiritual Director

Telling your story matters.

YOUR story.

The ups and downs and moments that are significant to YOU. Like the times you felt a stirring in your heart and you aren’t sure why or if it even matters. You want to tell your story without being judged or given advice or diagnosed.

You just want to tell your story and see what unfolds: the memories, themes, strengths…

Who knows what gifts from your own life are awaiting your renewed attention, your discovery? 

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You want to see what unfolds from your story because you are a Seeker: someone who seeks meaning in why you are here, what you have been through and whatever you decide to do next. Going through the motions of life just doesn’t cut it for you. You want to really LIVE.

Spiritual Direction is an ancient practice of deep listening to another person’s sacred story.

I have a Spiritual Director and she asks about my life in a way that opens my heart to the meaning that is all around me. She does not direct me, she is simply present with me in a way that leaves me feeling a little more certain of who I am and what I want to do next.

I am being trained in Spiritual Direction through St. Catherine University. It’s an intense process that involves taking fascinating graduate level classes such as the Art of Discernment and Holistic Spirituality, going on silent retreats, studying the texts of both ancient and modern day mystics, and providing 100 hours of Spiritual Direction under supervision. The supervision process trains us to attend to our own issues and ego as they arise so that it truly is the sacred soul of our client that leads the way of our sessions.

If you are interested in arranging a (free) introductory Spiritual Direction session with me, please send an email to Carolyn@SpiritFullDirection.com

To find a different Spiritual Director, or learn more about more about the process, visit the website of Spiritual Directors International.