When I first moved to the city where I now live, I stayed in a girlfriend’s studio apartment in a drab part of town and worked a miserable, rotten temp job which took 2 dreary bus rides to get to because I had no car. The girlfriend worked evenings and I had no other local friends. My life was mired in drudgery and I could see no way out.
Two long, sad months later, I learned of a quicker route home from work so I hopped on a bus headed in the opposite direction of the way I usually went. Only one mile later, the bus rounded a curve and my grey world suddenly transformed into living color.
There was a beautiful lake. It was filled with colorful sailboats and surrounded by bike paths. There was a sandy beach with happy sunbathers enjoying the afternoon. Just past the lake were outdoor cafes and bookstores and bike rentals and ice cream.
A veil was lifted. I could see beauty and fun and LIFE after a long time of forgetting any of it existed.
I raced into the apartment to tell my girlfriend what I saw, but of course she was well aware of the lake because she lived in or near this city her whole life.
“But, it’s beautiful and there’s so much to do and…”
She just grimaced. “It’s crowded. We don’t have a boat.”
She could not stomp my buzz. A whole new world was revealed to me, a world of bright colors, happy, active people and natural beauty. I felt hopeful, renewed & alive.
Soon, I moved to a place a short walk away from the lake. I adopted a dog and every warm weekend I took him for a swim, sometimes with my new neighbor friend and her Weimaraner mix. I’d toss the yellow tennis ball into the water, breathe deep and remember that life does not have to be dreary. I moved out of temp work, made friends and changed my life.
Sometimes the veil starts to fall again. Sometimes without noticing it, I slip into autopilot, doing all the things I HAVE to do and forgetting to do anything that wakes up my spirit.
For example, for a long time I had a job doing work that was meaningful for me but slowly the environment around me started to change. The bureaucracy increased at the expense of the work I was doing in the community, the employees grew bitter and petty, and a feeling of dread began to descend upon me every Sunday night as I thought about going into the office the next day. I stayed at that job for too long.
When the veil falls, we cannot see beyond it. We forget about the vibrant worlds that exist just outside of our current experience. We come to believe that we have no choice but to live in the gray.
Grief, depression, anxiety, shame and unworthiness…any of these mental states can drop the veil over us. But sometimes it is something more subtle – the daily-ness of life with all of its responsibilities and mishaps – that gradually removes the color from our sight.
If we are able to remove the veil, step out into the magnificent world and make choices that increase the vibrancy of our days, our lives improve drastically -and then
something funny happens. We reach another veil. We notice the limitations of the physical world and are able to glimpse the ultra-magnificence of what lies just beyond it: the spiritual realm.
To put it in the simplest terms: There are times that I live in drudgery. I simply exist and go through the motions. Then there are times when I am propelled out of the drudgery. I experience joy and beauty on a more regular basis until I am making choices that bring greater meaning into my life. This meaning transforms into a sense of connectedness with others and with the world and with the Spirit that encompasses all. Living begins to feel like a prayer of gratitude.
But then a tragedy occurs or some other setback and the veil drops again. Such is life. But each time, it is a little easier to keep in mind what lies just beyond it.
(view from my window in the Spring)
When was a time a veil lifted for you? I’d love to hear about it!
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