I have quite a few spiritual direction clients in their 20s and that has me imagining what life might have been like if I had a spiritual director (or even knew they existed!) when I was that age.

How vividly I remember the energy and angst of launching after college! On fire to make a big splash in the world, while paralyzed with uncertainty about how to do it.

(It did not help that I had much less self-awareness than my current millennial and post-millennial clients.)

I imagine Kay, Joanne, Liz, Joan – lovingly wise women I know now were spiritual directors back then – entering my life, deeply listening to my jumble of contradictory thoughts and telling me:

I see you for the beautiful soul you are.

I see the Sacred in your journey, in all of its crazy twists and turns.

Being the cornball that I am, I tear up imagining my young self receiving that message.

By my 20s, I had built sturdy walls around myself – walls I now realize make perfect sense given the inherited and personal trauma I carried – but at the time I barely noticed the walls were there, and when I did I made them into evidence of a personal failing. I thought I WAS the walls.

Now I imagine someone peeking through to the scared, radiant soul veiled within –

not a therapist looking to fix (although therapy helps too, yay therapists! Unless they subtly or unsubtly feel living in awareness of the transcendent is a symptom, a problem – boo those therapists!)

a spiritual director peeking through and focused on seeing the Sacred within me and around me and connecting me to all that is.

Wow, imagine that!

So when I was 23, I had a life-altering mystical experience.

Fortunately, even without a spiritual director I never doubted what happened, but how joyous it would have been to talk with someone who understood I had received an incredible gift.

And how impactful to have been asked questions by someone who understood the gravity of that gift and how it can become a burden.

That same year, I had an incredible nighttime dream – I died and God asked me a question that would determine my eternal existence. I didn’t have anyone to help me explore that Divine question and so I explored it myself – leaping off in one wild direction and then another…

and that’s okay, it was my journey –

not having a spiritual director in my 20s was of course okay,

AND also it brings me a warm peace now as I imagine my younger self having a spiritual companion.

When I was in my 20s, I was deeply aware of my connection to Divine Love. I meditated, journaled, explored various spiritual paths and traditions  

(there were also years, starting in my late 20s, when I went off the rails, severing my attention to the Sacred, my authentic self….)

before ultimately discovering all wisdom paths lead to the same Spirit.

THAT was a fantastic discovery!

So, it all worked out, even without a spiritual director.

But lately my imagination has been gifting my younger self with one and it feels wonderful.

If you would like a spiritual companion, email Carolyn (at) SpiritFullDirection (dot) com to set up a free introductory session – either on-line or in person in St. Paul, MN. I meet with people of all ages, all spiritual backgrounds and beliefs.

Visit www.LoyolaSpiritualityCenter.org to learn more about spiritual direction, read my bio or meet my colleagues.

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